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These days, people see things in black and white and don't take into account the shades of grey. In the larger context of my extended family, over the years, I get the feeling that this was a cycle that had repeated itself for several generations (remote Australian rural farming family if you get what I mean).I hope it was broken with my generation, as soon as I reached an age where clarity kicked in, I stopped. I did try a couple of times to get into my teenage female cousin's pants and we certainly flirted a bit. She always said she knew something about me and came close to confessing that info a couple of times - what? That I and her brother used to suck each others cocks and rub ourselves against each other till we came? That was as far as it ever went and he was certainly complicit - but we stopped. I've never done anything remotely like that since then, with family or other. I'm an adult now and in much better control of myself. Oh yeah, I'm bi. Did I mention that? I can't. “I can’t – I won’t – put you in harm’s way, Nat.”The realisation hit me that – of course – any surveillance on Liam Hale would obviously lead to me, if we continued to do whatever it was that we were doing, but if I had resigned, then why would it matter? The situation was unethical, sure, but illegal? No. I knew I was a moth to the flame, but when that flame burned as brightly and warmly as he did, it would be impossible to fly off into the cold night.“Tell me something?” I said, facing him. He nodded. “Tell me I’m not imagining what’s happening here. This,” I made a swirling motion with my arm, “chemistry.”“You’re not imagining it, no.” He smiled, his cheeks dimpling, like we were simultaneously confessing a secret. “She mostly talks shit, but as Suki pointed out, I don’t normally turn up on doorsteps in Clapham or charter planes to Edinburgh. So if you’re asking if I enjoy spending time with you, then the answer is yes, I do.”“Just do what you have to do, and I’ll do what I have.
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